Chapter One

Because of my dad's diabetes, he suffers from neuropathy which is a constant pain in his feet. So Friday night as he was lying in his hospital bed, he asked me to rub and massage the bottom of his feet. Since I am the good daughter that I am, I scoot my chair up to the end of the bed and start rubbing away. Even though this should make his feet feel better, he still hollers out in pain. I think it probably feels like rubbing pressure over a tender bruise. Daddy is a very "vocal" person, and by vocal I mean that he makes man noises and makes them very loudly. For example, he yawns loud enough for people 3 floors away to hear. Or when he clears his throat, it's a very distinct sound. Well, this evening he had the TV on, but he wasn't really watching it. Now remember that my dad is deaf in one ear and hard of hearing in the other. And you know how in hospitals that the speaker to the TV is on the remote control. While Daddy was laid back in his bed, he had laid the speaker in his lap so to speak, where the crease of his leg (in the groin area) and belly met. Also keep in mind that my daddy has a pot belly plus he was retaining extra fluid that made his belly even larger. So just as I am starting to rub his feet, he starts with a few "OHHH!"s & "OWWW!"s And then I hear this pooting sound. Yes you read correctly-Pooting, as in farting!! I jumped back and looked at Daddy. But I had figured out that it was coming from the TV, but with the position of the speaker, I wasn't sure at first. Well, I started laughing and looked at my mom. She finally figured out what was going on and started laughing with me. But Daddy still hasn't caught on, but he finally heard the pooting sound. But HE couldn't figure out where it was coming from! He had forgotten that he put the speaker in his lap and couldn't see it. He practically sits up in his bed, looks from side to side, looks under his bed, looks back and forth from Mom to me! I am laughing so hard I can't hardly breathe. I picked up the speaker so Daddy could see where the sound was coming from and then he started laughing with us! I asked him if "Lori, rub my feet." was something like "pull my finger"!! He thought Mom and I were pulling a trick on him. I guess he thought we had one of those farting machines or something. So if you're still reading this, have you guessed what was on the TV? It was the scene from "Blazing Saddles" where the cowboys are sitting around the campfire cooking and eating beans. If I can figure out how to add the video here, I'll post it. But for now you'll just have to follow the link. It is nearly a full minute, so picture this all going on while this sound is playing in the background. We laughed till we cried!