Giving all

This is a lengthy post, but I think it's important, maybe not to you, but for me. This is how I experienced God this weekend, August 24 & 25, 2007 (and the months before), at the "Heart of Worship" Ladies' Retreat at First Baptist Church. As Mark preached from the book Haggai Sunday, he pointed out how the prophets dated their writings to remember what God did, and this is an experience I don't want to forget!

What does that really mean?? To give your all? Well, as a student of my Mighty God, I am a very slow learner! At our ladies retreat this weekend, that's what God wanted me to do. But I didn't. He wanted me to give Him ALL OF ME to be used for His service. But I just couldn't release control of everything. Now don't get me wrong, this weekend was a great time in His presence. Friday night we had a wonderful worship service! My dear friend Kirsten explained to us what "worship" meant, what it is and what it is not. She explained how we have to prepare ourselves to worship, clean out the insides and take out the trash.
This is a picture of her in her "cleaning attire"! What you can't really see is that underneath the wreath of flowers is a shower cap! And her rubber gloves are covered with lovely embellishments. I like to call her an "eccentric servant" when I describe her. She loves the Lord and is not afraid to tell you! She has the gift of teaching God's word. She can take the scriptures, tear them apart and explain/teach them where I can understand and apply it to me! She was showing us the trash in her life, the idols that she had put before God, but she could have been talking about any of our lives. Some of the things she mentioned were food, coffee, computers, cell phones (and by the way, if I see anyone of you on yours in Wal-Mart there better be someone on the other end of the line!!), our children, books, our schedules. Not that any of those things are bad, but when we don't put God first, they become our idols! And I serve a jealous God!!

Well, moving on, I can't say enough about the Praise Team that my friend Angela gathered together. WOW!! It's been too long since I have worshiped in song like I did this weekend. Our local church is blessed with so much musical and vocal talent! We broke tradition. We saved most of the praise and worship for after the message. Have you ever been in a worship service where the Holy Spirit is stirring and moving through the message and then you have time to reflect and to respond to what God is saying, but the music director only sings the first and last verse of the "invitation song" and then it's time to pass the collection plate? Well, not this weekend!! We let God work and walk among us. The praise and worship this weekend was intense but at the same time very freeing for me! I sang, I cried, I lifted my hands, I fell to my knees, I smiled with joy overflowing in my heart. All because I am HIS child! I hoped to have the glow that Moses did when he came off the mountain after being in the presence of God!

Saturday morning we offered six breakout sessions. So let me tell you about some of the things that God did with this part of the weekend. As a team, our prayer has been, "Lord, don't let the ladies attending see any one of us, but only you and your reflection from us." We scheduled three breakout sessions (at 8:30, 9:30 & 10:30) but they could choose three from six options.

One was led by my extraordinary friend, Jennifer. From the first email I sent asking for participation on the planning team, God walked with her every step! I love to hear her story of how she bargained with God. She said when she read the email something immediately came to mind that God told her it was time to share, but she deleted the email hoping it would go away. But God kept after her anyway. So her bargain was this, "Lord, if Lori comes and ask me I'll do it." But she wasn't going to take the initiative to come to me first! Well, as time was approaching for our first meeting, I still needed a team! The Sunday before the meeting, I sat down with Jennifer after a potluck we had after church and casually asked her if she could help me out and be on this team. Man, I wish I would have had a camera to capture the look on her face! I had no idea that she had been battling and bargaining with God. And she looked at me and grinned because she knew what she had to do! She has a past that she has hidden, but God gave her strength to share her story and give Him glory of how He had carried her through!

And then there's my friend Sandra! Sandra is a quiet, tenderhearted, lovable servant! God took her out of her comfort zone. By nature she likes to be a "behind-the-scenes" kind of person, doesn't like to draw attention to herself. But her topic this weekend was obedience! That's the journey God took her on this summer. She told us earlier in the spring that she might would lead a session, but she knew that this summer this lesson would come! And so it did. She kept telling the ladies in her session how nervous she was, but everyone of them said, "You couldn't tell except that she kept saying it!" God touched lives through her this weekend!

Now Bonnie is my friend that just oozes Jesus! Honestly, you can start any conversation with her and she will find some way to get Jesus into it! Bonnie shared with her groups our significance compared to God. How without Him we are nothing, but to Him we are everything. I didn't get to sit in on her session, but Bonnie reminded me of the simplicity of worship. How we try to make worshiping God so hard, so traditional and ritualistic, but all He says is "Come."

Tonya is has been a dear friend to me for almost all of the 5 years that we've been in Sheridan. She has been our WM director for most of that. And being on that team with her, we have grown close and she is a very special person to me. Her session was called "Believing God's Power". I didn't get to attend her sessions, but what I know without a doubt about Tonya is that she is a teacher and believer of the Word! God planted her in a small pot to grow her roots and has given her a larger field to bloom in! It's amazing and awesome (and scary and painful at times I'm sure) but God has set her and her family on a new journey with a new direction. He is using Tonya already to reach women and moms all over the nation!

Prayer Warrior. That's how I describe my friend Nelodie! Praying with passion, believing that God hears, answers and responds! So you know what I asked Nelodie to teach in her session! One thing God has shown me over the last several months is that without prayer, without building that relationship and making that one-on-one contact with Him, nothing else matters! Because if you aren't talking AND listening to Him, getting direction and guidance from Him, everything we say and do is in vain! My faith has been built and made stronger in the times I have had the privilege to pray with Nelodie!

When Faith's parents named her, they knew what they were doing. She has been down some hard roads in her life. But even through the roughest terrain, she will always give God credit and thanks to Him. God took her on a spiritual journey this summer too. Teaching her how we are to be His holy vessels. That He created each of us unique with his purpose in mind. But Faith is my friend that at a drop of the hat, she will be right by my side giving me support. Whether we eat dinner together or need a shoulder to lean on, at a moments notice, she's there!

Well, the last speaker of the retreat was me. I knew God had given me a message that I needed to share about worshiping in spirit and in truth, and to tell what He says worship is. But you see, unfortunately I didn't give that message. I asked God to give me the words. I tried for 2 months to write it down so I would have notes in front of me. I wrote it out several times, trying to have just the right flow of words. I tried to find the 3 points and the poem of what God had given me. But it wouldn't come together. Even at 10:30 Saturday morning before I was to speak at 12:30 that afternoon, my notes were so scattered and jumbled I couldn't make heads or tails of them. And I kept praying, "Lord, you are going to have to put the words in my mouth, because I don't have them." Well, I got up in front of a crowd of about 80 women and started rambling. I have no idea what I said, but for what seemed like 10 minutes (it was probably more like 10 seconds) I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking through me. Again, I don't remember what I said, but what I remember hearing was "Here I am, filling you." But then I tried to do to go back and get my own words. Ramblings...that what I call the rest. Why?? I didn't give my all to Him. What does that mean to give my all? Well to me that means giving Him ALL OF ME!! I couldn't or didn't do it. I wanted to read Bible verses and sound like I knew what I talking about. I wanted people to think I was good at standing in front of other people and proclaim God's word. And what's so ironic about that whole thought is the reason we didn't bring in a professional speaker in the first place. To prove that God takes plain ordinary people and empowers them by His will to accomplish His purposes for His pleasure! So needless to say, I walked away with a sad heart Saturday, because I knew I failed. Now I know that God can even take my ramblings and turn it into good. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not worried really about the response from the women, because God's will be completed in spite of me. But what a lesson this has been for me. I knew when I left Saturday that I rambled because I didn't really trust God to put the words in my mouth. My heart has been so broken, because of what I didn't allow Him to do. And I have continued to pray and ask for His forgiveness. I have also been praying for Him to let me go ahead and write it down what I should have said, what He really wanted me to say, knowing full well I may never have another opportunity to share it. But as I was typing this Blog, it made it to paper. And as I realized what was happening, my heart burst and tears of joy gushed. This is actually the second draft of this paragraph. I copied the first draft to a Word document so I can finish it, print it and save it. All He ever wanted was Me!! Words to the song "The Heart of Worship" says kind of sums up how I'm feeling:

The Heart Of Worship

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much you deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is yours
Every single breath

I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
More than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
You're looking into my heart
Looking into my heart
You're looking into my heart
Into my heart
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
Public Domain
Words and Music by Matt Redman

So when God allows me to finish His message on paper, I'll share it here. I serve a mighty awesome God!

Worship

We had a Mission Celebration this morning at church. As a church we have embraced the Acts 1:8 Challenge and the On Mission Team shared their vision. Our pastor explained each area of mission and we prayed for each area, we had a commissioning service for one of our young adults that will be leaving this week for Asia, and at the end, one of our men gave a Mission Challenge to our church. Each aspect of the service was good. My Ky even led one of the prayers! :) Then we had a fellowship meal together followed by a Mission Fair. But what has stuck with me today is something Ken said in his challenge. "Here's a need...your available...God meshes them together. No coincidences!" WOW!!! That is worship!! Our retreat this weekend is all about worship. And what I'm learning is that there is no mold, no formula, no one activity that makes worship. Worship starts in the heart!! And I'll stop there for now so those that are going to attend the retreat don't have to listen to me twice!

Not sure of my reaction

Yesterday was the deadline to sign up for our Fall Retreat that is next weekend. Always knowing that there will be people signing up until the last minute (because that's just the way people are), I'm a little disappointed in the numbers so far. We were hoping to have 175-200 women, but to date I only have about 65. But I also know that God has the perfect number. I'm embarrassed to an extent that I'm even posting this. Not because of the numbers, but because of my reaction to the numbers. As we gathered to pray Monday evening, a discussion was started about how we are a reflection of who God is, and how our actions are a reaction to God's action. Did that make sense?? Everything we do should be a reaction of what God is doing in our lives. We should measure everything we say and do against His standards. So pray for me and the rest of our team as we prepare to stand before the right number of women and lead them into the presence of God for what we are praying will be a life changing weekend!

Where does time go?

Why does time fly by so fast in the summer? The girls start back to school on Monday. Things are so hectic and unplanned for us during the summer that I am ready for the everyday routine of school. It seems like we have just been on the run and can't put my finger on anything in particular that we have accomplished! I have made several "extra" trips to my mom's than what we normally do, and are going again this weekend. Oh, I've got to post these pictures that my mom sent of my dad and his dog.


The one of them asleep just cracked me up!! :) Anyway, we are going to go to the water park at the diamond mine with some of my family. A last bash before school I guess.

Well, I've been to PT for 4 visits now. Can't tell yet that I'm feeling better. Every session starts with an ultrasound treatment and a massage. At the time it feels really good, but my back was really sore last week. But they told me it would be. Then I spend about 20 minutes in the pool (walking, sitting and doing exercises) and finish up with 10 minutes in the whirlpool. They told me last week that they will start working on one of my knees this week. I can't wait! A friend of mine and I tried to do some pilates this weekend. She had a DVD that we were following. We got an ab workout for sure, but it wasn't from the exercises. We were laughing so hard, we couldn't even attempt half of the things the lady on the video was doing! Oh, to have been a fly on the wall that day!!!

Well, I must get off of here and start something productive! I am suppose to sponsor a booth at our Mission Fair Sunday and I haven't even given it much thought. Our ladies retreat is the next weekend, and I have been spending much of my time working out the last little details.

Physical Therapy

I went to my first physical therapy appointment Monday. As I walked in the door, there was a patient in the back that could not speak well, and had a very loud voice. Her words at first sounded more like screams until I could figure out exactly what was going on. But can't you imagine the initial thoughts going through my mind. There was no one sitting at the first desk and I thought to myself, "No one knows I'm here, I can sneak out and no one will ever know the difference!! I sure didn't want the therapy she was getting!" But I sat bravely instead, and waited my turn.

They are treating me for DJD (degenerative joint disease), and naturally I had to ask..."What does that mean?" The therapist said it is basically just advanced arthritis in my joints. It's not so much that the arthritis is "advanced" like you and I would think, but it is advanced for my age. And again I asked, "Because I'm too young, right??" (I asked my doctor the same question!!) And he said yes. I just like hearing people say that!! heehee! Anyway, they are going to focus the therapy on my back, but when I have to do pool exercises it will work the whole body. They did an ultrasound treatment where they rubbed that "wand" on my back and it makes the muscles contract. That was a very strange feeling. It was like having muscle spasms and that I couldn't help or make stop. Then they massaged it and I got heat therapy, which is when they put those 20lb. hot pads on my back. Ok, they probably didn't weigh 20lbs., but they were heavy. I am scheduled to come in 3 times a week for now. Wednesday when I go back they will put in the pool and start those exercises. My therapist said that sitting in a pool is going to the be the best thing I can do for my joints, to get in a pool as often as I can. I asked him if he would write that down and sign it so my hubby will believe me and not think it is just a ploy and excuse to get me a pool!! Needless to say, the hubby just rolled his eyes when I told him. So, I have been trying to walk every morning, or at least 5 times a week. I call my neighbor every morning at 6:45 and wake her up so she'll go with me. She doesn't sound very happy that early in morning, but she has been a good friend and has gone every time I've called. I'm excited about starting these exercises, which is strange for me. I don't like to exercise and I don't like to sweat!! But I'm really tired and want to sleep all night. I just hope this works.

We survived this week!

My niece came up for a week long visit. We went to Magic Springs two days this week. In the picture, that's my niece at the front of the log ride. They rode the log ride 3 times in a row and I took picture of them every time they came around to this point. This is best one of three because they were making faces and hand signals in every one!! We had a good week though. Usually when these girls are together they spend most of their time making up dance routines, cheer routines or secret handshakes and I have to watch them constantly!! We picked up Al on Sunday and I didn't have to watch a single routine until Thursday! And we took her home on Friday after another trip to Magic Springs. I think my sister was a little jealous. She had to watch a few more performances than I did when my girls spent a week with her early this summer. (Na-nana boo-boo!!)

Here's another picture from MS. I have never noticed this little waterfall before, but it caught my eye this week. The sign in the background says "Watson Falls". Watson is my maiden, so that immediately got my attention, but when I read the small print, it said this flowerbed/waterfall was "in honor of Bob Watson, a treasured employee of Magic Springs", I just giggled. Bob Watson was my grandfather's name. This was not in memory of my grandfather, but the coincidence just tickled me!

I went to my parent's this weekend. Yesterday was my dad's birthday, and mom's is next week. We all went out to eat dinner with my sister and her family. Today I took my mom to Texarkana to buy a new miniblind for her living room. We spent all day over there shopping, or "looking" would probably best describe our excursion! I found out today that my mother likes to shop as much as I do--none at all!!! We made three stops and all we came home with was a blind and a lamp shade!! I almost got a new comforter set that was on sale at Penneys, but I talked myself out of pretty quickly. We were also looking for some last minute items that my sister needed for nephew before he leaves Monday for college. I couldn't believe how conjested the traffic was in that area. Since we moved to Sheridan 5 years ago, they have really built up the businesses on the north side of the interstate by the mall. I just thought traffic was bad before! Well, we (or I, the girls stayed with my sister) had a long day and now I'm very tired and sleepy. I should get much needed sleep tonight.

The Doctor's Visit

So I went to the doctor on Monday and came away with I'm fat and lazy! Now tell me something I didn't already know!! I didn't really get a diagnosis, but he told me that I needed to strengthen the muscles around my joints so that will strengthen the tendons in my joints. He recommended physical therapy for my back and knees, or at least exercise such at pilates or water aerobics. He also did some lab work on my joints, but I'm not sure what that will tell me. He said that he was leaning toward rheumatic tendencies because of my family history (my paternal grandmother had rheumatoid arthritis) and my age. He said I was too young to be in this much pain. I thanked him and told him I thought I was too young too!! Heehee!! So I am checking into physical therapy today, to see how much it costs and how much my insurance will cover, and compare it to an exercise program that will target my back and knees. I have gotten up and walked the past two mornings. And just to update on my water excursion, I have not had but one small cup of soda since last Monday. We were at Magic Springs yesterday and the soda fountain we stopped at didn't have a water "spicket". But I can't say that stopping the aspartame has alleviated any my pain. I think I'll stick with the water and see if it will help get some of this weight off. I did learn that my home scales are off by about 10 pounds and weigh heavier that the Dr.'s scales. WooHoo!! So now my goal is to eat less, exercise more. YUCK!!