What does that really mean?? To give your all? Well, as a student of my Mighty God, I am a very slow learner! At our ladies retreat this weekend, that's what God wanted me to do. But I didn't. He wanted me to give Him ALL OF ME to be used for His service. But I just couldn't release control of everything. Now don't get me wrong, this weekend was a great time in His presence. Friday night we had a wonderful worship service! My dear friend Kirsten explained to us what "worship" meant, what it is and what it is not. She explained how we have to prepare ourselves to worship, clean out the insides and take out the trash.
This is a picture of her in her "cleaning attire"! What you can't really see is that underneath the wreath of flowers is a shower cap! And her rubber gloves are covered with lovely embellishments. I like to call her an "eccentric servant" when I describe her. She loves the Lord and is not afraid to tell you! She has the gift of teaching God's word. She can take the scriptures, tear them apart and explain/teach them where I can understand and apply it to me! She was showing us the trash in her life, the idols that she had put before God, but she could have been talking about any of our lives. Some of the things she mentioned were food, coffee, computers, cell phones (and by the way, if I see anyone of you on yours in Wal-Mart there better be someone on the other end of the line!!), our children, books, our schedules. Not that any of those things are bad, but when we don't put God first, they become our idols! And I serve a jealous God!!
Well, moving on, I can't say enough about the Praise Team that my friend Angela gathered together. WOW!! It's been too long since I have worshiped in song like I did this weekend. Our local church is blessed with so much musical and vocal talent! We broke tradition. We saved most of the praise and worship for after the message. Have you ever been in a worship service where the Holy Spirit is stirring and moving
through the message and then you have time to reflect and to respond to what God is saying, but the music director only sings the first and last verse of the "invitation song" and then it's time to pass the collection plate? Well, not this weekend!! We let God work and walk among us. The praise and worship this weekend was intense but at the same time very freeing for me! I sang, I cried, I lifted my hands, I fell to my knees, I smiled with joy overflowing in my heart. All because I am HIS child! I hoped to have the glow that Moses did when he came off the mountain after being in the presence of God!Saturday morning we offered six breakout sessions. So let me tell you about some of the things that God did with this part of the weekend. As a team, our prayer has been, "Lord, don't let the ladies attending see any one of us, but only you and your reflection from us." We scheduled three breakout sessions (at 8:30, 9:30 & 10:30) but they could choose three from six options.
One was led by my extraordinary friend, Jennifer. From the first email I sent asking for participation on the planning team, God walked with her every step! I love to hear her story of how she bargained with God. She said when she read the email something immediately came to mind that God told her it was time to share, but she deleted the email hoping it would go away. But God kept after her anyway. So her bargain was this, "Lord, if Lori comes and ask me I'll do it." But she wasn't going to take the initiative to come to me first! Well, as time was approaching for our first meeting, I still needed a team! The Sunday before the meeting, I sat down with Jennifer after a potluck we had after church and casually asked her if she could help me out and be on this team. Man, I wish I would have had a camera to capture the look on her face! I had no idea that she had been battling and bargaining with God. And she looked at me and grinned because she knew what she had to do! She has a past that she has hidden, but God gave her strength to share her story and give Him glory of how He had carried her through!
And then there's my friend Sandra! Sandra is a quiet, tenderhearted, lovable servant! God took her out of her comfort zone. By nature she likes to be a "behind-the-scenes" kind of person, doesn't like to draw attention to herself. But her topic this weekend was obedience! That's the journey God took her on this summer. She told us earlier in the spring that she might would lead a session, but she knew that this summer this lesson would come! And so it did. She kept telling the ladies in her session how nervous she was, but everyone of them said, "You couldn't tell except that she kept saying it!" God touched lives through her this weekend!
Now Bonnie is my friend that just oozes Jesus! Honestly, you can start any conversation with her and she will find some way to get Jesus into it! Bonnie shared with her groups our significance compared to God. How without Him we are nothing, but to Him we are everything. I didn't get to sit in on her session, but Bonnie reminded me of the simplicity of worship. How we try to make worshiping God so hard, so traditional and ritualistic, but all He says is "Come."
Tonya is has been a dear friend to me for almost all of the 5 years that we've been in Sheridan.
She has been our WM director for most of that. And being on that team with her, we have grown close and she is a very special person to me. Her session was called "Believing God's Power". I didn't get to attend her sessions, but what I know without a doubt about Tonya is that she is a teacher and believer of the Word! God planted her in a small pot to grow her roots and has given her a larger field to bloom in! It's amazing and awesome (and scary and painful at times I'm sure) but God has set her and her family on a new journey with a new direction. He is using Tonya already to reach women and moms all over the nation!Prayer Warrior. That's how I describe my friend Nelodie! Praying with passion, believing that God hears, answers and responds! So you know what I asked Nelodie to teach in her session! One thing God has shown me over the last several months is that without prayer, without building that relationship and making that one-on-one contact with Him, nothing else matters! Because if you aren't talking AND listening to Him, getting direction and guidance from Him, everything we say and do is in vain! My faith has been built and made stronger in the times I have had the privilege to pray with Nelodie!
When Faith's parents named her, they knew what they were doing. She has been down some hard roads in her life. But even through the roughest terrain, she will always give God credit and thanks to Him. God took her on a spiritual journey this summer too. Teaching her how we are to be His holy vessels. That He created each of us unique with his purpose in mind. But Faith is my friend that at a drop of the hat, she will be right by my side giving me support. Whether we eat dinner together or need a shoulder to lean on, at a moments notice, she's there!
Well, the last speaker of the retreat was me. I knew God had given me a message that I needed to share about worshiping in spirit and in truth, and to tell what He says worship is. But you see, unfortunately I didn't give that message. I asked God to give me the words. I tried for 2 months to write it down so I would have notes in front of me. I wrote it out several times, trying to have just the right flow of words. I tried to find the 3 points and the poem of what God had given me. But it wouldn't come together. Even at 10:30 Saturday morning before I was to speak at 12:30 that afternoon, my notes were so scattered and jumbled I couldn't make heads or tails of them. And I kept praying, "Lord, you are going to have to put the words in my mouth, because I don't have them." Well, I got up in front of a crowd of about 80 women and started rambling. I have no idea what I said, but for what seemed like 10 minutes (it was probably more like 10 seconds) I knew the Holy Spirit was speaking through me. Again, I don't remember what I said, but what I remember hearing was "Here I am, filling you." But then I tried to do to go back and get my own words. Ramblings...that what I call the rest. Why?? I didn't give my all to Him. What does that mean to give my all? Well to me that means giving Him ALL OF ME!! I couldn't or didn't do it. I wanted to read Bible verses and sound like I knew what I talking about. I wanted people to think I was good at standing in front of other people and proclaim God's word. And what's so ironic about that whole thought is the reason we didn't bring in a professional speaker in the first place. To prove that God takes plain ordinary people and empowers them by His will to accomplish His purposes for His pleasure! So needless to say, I walked away with a sad heart Saturday, because I knew I failed. Now I know that God can even take my ramblings and turn it into good. I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not worried really about the response from the women, because God's will be completed in spite of me. But what a lesson this has been for me. I knew when I left Saturday that I rambled because I didn't really trust God to put the words in my mouth. My heart has been so broken, because of what I didn't allow Him to do. And I have continued to pray and ask for His forgiveness. I have also been praying for Him to let me go ahead and write it down what I should have said, what He really wanted me to say, knowing full well I may never have another opportunity to share it. But as I was typing this Blog, it made it to paper. And as I realized what was happening, my heart burst and tears of joy gushed. This is actually the second draft of this paragraph. I copied the first draft to a Word document so I can finish it, print it and save it. All He ever wanted was Me!! Words to the song "The Heart of Worship" says kind of sums up how I'm feeling:
The Heart Of Worship
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart
I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
King of endless worth
No one could express
How much you deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is yours
Every single breath
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
More than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
You're looking into my heart
Looking into my heart
You're looking into my heart
Into my heart
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
I'll bring you more than a song
Public Domain
Words and Music by Matt Redman
So when God allows me to finish His message on paper, I'll share it here. I serve a mighty awesome God!
2 comments:
I've been waiting on this post. I knew it was coming and was looking forward to hearing your perspective on the retreat. You know, you were willing to get up there and put yourself out on the line for God. That in itself is a wonderful thing. It doesn't matter how you present what you say, when you are talking about our mighty God, He will use ANYTHING that is put out in Nis name. I fully believe that there were people in the audience who needed to hear something you said. No matter whether it was in a flowery speech, rambling or totally organized. He can use anything we give Him. You worked long and hard for Him, putting this retreat together and He was glorified. Period.
Great post!
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